I'm listening to Nobuo Uematsu's Final Fantasy songs at work right now, and I can't helped but be swept away by the romance of the melodies. That sounded so cheesy.
If you don't know about Final Fantasy, it's your typical romance story. Adventures, traveling to distant lands, fighting bad guys, making friends along the way, falling in love, and conquering evil.
The music reminded me of when I was in college. UCR college - when things were more simple, and I didn't care about fashion or status. I'd study, and in my free time I would read, play piano, watch Naruto, and play Final Fantasy III. I remember going to a Final Fantasy concert because a friend had extra tickets and being blown away by what an orchestra and a choir can do from midi files. I'd later spend hours practicing those songs on the piano.
And then it dawned on me how much time has passed. Since college, 3 years at KPMG, moving from client to client, working with different teams, managers. It's been a blur of workpapers and auditing.
In college, I knew I wanted to teach. I was never the smartest kid, and things don't come to me quickly. I was always ashamed when my parents got my report cards because they would barely be average and full of negative comments from my teacher. But once I started focusing on learning, rather than the grades, I started doing well in school. I went from a 2.9 GPA to 3.7 GPA in high school. It made a world of a difference in my confidence, and my world-view. So I knew, I wanted to teach and inspire - I wanted to give others the opportunities they can achieve. I didn't want others to lose confidence like I did because the curriculum is confusing, or the textbook seems too convoluted.
And all those years of pent up passion and waiting - waiting for KPMG to end so that I would have enough experience to one day pursue a career in teaching. I didn't realize worklife would be so difficult, and that getting older meant more issues (i.e. health, parents' health, future family/kids). I didn't realize that to pursue a career in education in this time and economy would mean sacrificing at least 5 years of good income. And even afterwards, I'm not guaranteed a job, especially with the way this capitalistic country is becoming. The volatility of the future feels too much to bear.
So it's been 3 years since I graduated USC; 6 years since I attended UCR. I'm finally leaving KPMG, and am at an awkward and stressful crossroad. What do I do with my life? Life used to be so full of inspiration and passion, like Nobuo Uematsu's music. In my heart, I know this world is more than just pushing papers, money, and a pursuit of good health and life. I pray that God revives the passion and courage for me to aspire more than just that.
Ecclesiastes 1:2
"'Meaningless! Meaningless!'
says the Teacher.
'Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.'"
