Voyage

In my youth there were:

• K-Town kids


• Honors students


• the Korean-American Christians


• the potsmoking drop-outs


• popular kids
  


• the visionaries


• the artists

In my adulthood there are:

• various professionals
  


• many teachers


• party animals
  


• people that just want to make money in life
  


• those that never outgrew high school life


• people that just want to settle down and start a family


• a bunch of J's (MBTI) that belong in accounting

At 25, why do I still struggle with who am I, and where I belong? When I look at Facebook, all I envy are those that fit in these categories, that know what they want, who they are, and where they are going. I so desperately wish that all I wanted in life were a stable accounting job, a house, and to start a family.

I yearn for my college days where all I dreamed about was serving God. I had great dreams - going on missions to save my people in China, becoming an education administrator to revamp the US's jacked up education system, becoming a professor so that I could inspire students as my professors had inspired me, serving the lost community of Downtown LA.

My goal was to go to church with my parents and see them love the same God I did. My biggest fear was that my parents would die without tasting the sweet Gospel. Those were times when life made so much God damned sense. Who gave a shit about financial sustenance? When did my dreams build around the false ideal that happiness means finding a decent husband? Or finding a well-paid, stable job? When did fear sink in so deep at the pit of my heart, that I have become so immovable, helpless, and insecure?

Voyage

O LORD OF THE OCEANS,
My little bark sales on a restless sea,
Grant that Jesus may sit at the helm and steer me safely;
Suffer no adverse currents to divert my heavenward course;
Let not my faith by wrecked amid storms and shoals;
Bring me to harbour with flying pennants,
hull unbreached, cargo unspoiled.

I ask great things,

expect great things,
shall receive great things.
I venture on thee wholly, fully,
my wind, sunshine, anchor, defence.
The voyage is long, the waves high, the storms pitiless,
but my helm is held steady,
thy Word secures safe passage,
thy grace wafts me onward,
my haven is guaranteed.
This day will bring me nearer home,
Grant me holy consistency in every transaction,
my peace flowing as a running tide,
my righteousness as every chasing wave.
Help me to live circumspectly,
with skill to convert every care into prayer,
Halo my path with gentleness and love,
smooth every asperity of temper;
let me not forget how easy it is to occasion grief;
may I strive to bind up every wound,
and pour oil on all trouble waters.
May the world this day be happier and better because I live.
Let my mast before me be the saviour's cross,
and every oncoming wave the fountain in his side.
Help me, protect me in the moving sea
Until I reach the shore of unceasing praise.