Unrest

I couldn´t sleep right now, so I came out to clean my luggage and shower. I ended up talking to another girl staying at the hostel too. We talked about having travel buddies, about Spain, about my theft incident, about other hustlers we saw, about this shady district Kristen and I passed through. I told her how Spain currently has 20% unemployment and so people are more inclined to steal. She said how it explains the HUGE protest that took place today against capitalism.

As I went to go shower, I felt a sudden feeling of impending doom. What if a terrorist bombs the train I´m in? What if a protestor decides to mess with the airlines? What if I go back to France soon and something happens to me? And I´ll be traveling alone... and to so many damned locations. What the hell was I thinking? Oh my gosh. What if, what if, what if? Reading the news: european cucumbers killing people through e. coli, more evidence on the air france plane crash, terrorist bombers convicted in europe... Oh my gosh, all this fear - I am becoming my conservative dad.


I thought of my phone incident, and how I felt devestated that all my personal aspirations (to do lists) and conveniences were taken from me. I think, I´ve been imagining a better future once I get back to the States. ¨When I get back, I´m going to live like this... I´m going to take an art class... I´m going to read more news... I´ll be happier... ¨

I told myself my phone was taken for me with purpose. Now I am starting to realize the truth in this statement. It made me realize how I´m always building my joys around a supposed future. When I was working I thought, only when I go on my vacation, I will be happier. One day when I leave my job, I´ll be happier. Tomorrow, when I buy the La Mer cream, my face will look better and I will be happier. God took that away from me symbolically by taking away the phone that held this SUPER long ´to improve´and ´to do when I get home´list, and with all the pictures I had saved to bring me joy in the future. He yanked it out to show me my error in holding on so tightly to my life and my future.

Even now, as I worry about my life and survival in my remaining days of Europe (I know it sounds crazy), I pray for my future and hold steadfastly to my life. But I am reminded of the verse (Job 1:21),

¨Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.¨


A friend once told me that if I kept worrying about this or that, terrorists, car accients, plane accidents, I would never live. I am realizing that I will be able to live sufficiently in the here and now being hand in hand with God, praising Him, rejoicing in His mercy and love. The future will be awesome no matter what with faith, trust, and hope in God. Praise Lord for giving and taking away.